dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
