If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
