The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
