Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
