he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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