Four minutes until I can fart!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
