All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
