ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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