if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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