Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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