toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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