she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize