You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
