Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
