Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
