What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
