You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
sex in a hospital.. check
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
