My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
