Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
