New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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