So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
