Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
