xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
