I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
