You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
