By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize