We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
