he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
