aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
