So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
