Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
