I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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