I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
