she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
