Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize