I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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