Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize