if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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