she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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