I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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