the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
