It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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