shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My cat gives me a boner
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize