well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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