you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
