Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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