Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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