So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize