I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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