Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
