K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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