dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize