I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
