my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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