R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
