i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
