I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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