from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize