I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
