they need to just BURY HIM!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
