Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
