You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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