Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
