Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
