if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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