I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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