This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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