Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
