I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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