I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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