I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
