Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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