Umm I'm too high to move.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
