dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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