its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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