Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
