i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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