He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
