this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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