I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
