Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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