I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize