so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
