watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize