Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
