Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
