please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize