Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
