Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
