Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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