I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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