my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
