why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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