Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize