FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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