2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
