Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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