just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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