So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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