So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
