no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
