i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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