you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize