someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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