This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's just like the Real World with babies
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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